Escape: The Pina Colada Story
by 13.shimer.13
Summary: A short story about Carlisle and Esme, and what happens when vampires get bored...


Escape: The Pina Colada Story

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Twilight, neither do I own the song (you can find the title and artist in my author note at the end of the story).

Carlisle frowned into his cup of coffee, bored. He wasn't _bored_ bored, more... bored of routine. Life was just... the same. He had a lovely wife, and he had lovely children, and a lovely grandchild, and a lovely house, and a lovely job too. But something in his life just wasn't quite... right. There was no excitement, and his life as a loving family man was now just boring him.

Carlisle finished the remains of his coffee and pulled out the morning's paper. It was a Saturday, and his day off of work at the hospital, besides. He flicked through the news stories, not finding anything interesting or engaging to look at. It was the same kind of thing; 'man in jail' and 'murders reach all time high'. The same boring, human things always. Being a Vampire should have been more exciting. It should have been more than this nothingness, more than a boring routine. He needed something—anything—to change.

It was then that Carlisle saw the advert in the column, the Lonely Hearts column. It was an unconventional one—and somehow, it seemed familiar. This was a poem or a song, someone else's words were being used here.

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain. If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape. I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

He chuckled after reading it, remembering the title of the song: "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)". Clearly the human who'd written this had a sense of humour...

Although it was tacky, Carlisle already knew what he was going to do. He was going to write one back to this mysterious human. And, of course, it was going to be the man in the song's response. With his superior vampire memory, he wrote the answer and sent it into the newspaper.

"Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne. I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape. At a bar called The Hog's Hide, where we'll plan our escape."

He laughed guiltily to himself. He had changed the name of the bar, O'Malley's, which was the one in the song to the name of an infamous bar not far from the current nondescript small town his family inhabited for the moment. When he went to meet her, she would hopefully be there. And Carlisle knew that he would be going. Tomorrow, depending on whether the woman was sane and intelligent, he would start a new and exciting relationship, one which would help him to feel more alive, in a manner of speaking. He felt some regret, but not much.

The next day, a little before noon, Carlisle was sitting in the bar and waiting for the mysterious human. At noon, however, when the door opened he saw Esme walk in, and wondered why she had come to The Hog's Hide. Had Alice warned her about the meeting...?

Esme walked over, a look of shock on her face. "Carlisle, dear... what are you doing here?"

Carlisle smiled shakily, before inventing a lie for his wife. "Esme, darling, I have some... business to attend to here. What are you doing here?"

"I... have... a meeting too!" Esme lied with a wide smile.

Both knew the other was lying, but didn't know why they were. The truth revealed itself, however, when a newspaper clipping fell from Esme's bag. Carlisle reached down to the ground and picked it up, while Esme cringed as he read it. It was his reply to the add in the paper!

"It was you?" Carlisle asked with a smile. When Esme gave him a confused look still, he further explained himself. "The advert in the paper. The one that I responded to!"

Esme threw her head back and laughed loudly, causing several people to look at the beautiful couple and stare. "Oh my goodness! We were exactly like the song..."Carlisle, who was also laughing by now, ordered two Pina Coladas and they both drank them, though the alcoholic drink tasted like liquefied dirt.

When they got home, their family was waiting for them: Alice was laughing at the couple, Edward was doing a Piano rendition of the song, Bella was singing, and everyone else was dancing. The routine was effectively broken, and Carlisle and Esme settled back into family life, as happy as ever.

Fin

A/N: Just a random one shot about Esme and Carlisle, inspiration taken from the song "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes.


End file.
